🌱 How Can I Support a Friend? 🌱
This is a question we get asked a lot. After loss, many support people go back to their day-to-day lives and presume the bereaved person has moved on too. But they won’t have – they are just as heart-broken, and often now left with little support. Here’s a few suggestions from Zoe Clarke-Coates, in her book The Baby Loss Guide.
1. Ask if the parents have named their baby, and if they have, talk about them by name, and refer to them in general conversation. It won’t upset them – it will show you care! Ask questions about their experience of birth/loss. Every time you sit and listen to a bereaved person’s story, you are giving them a real gift.
2. Find out what support they have, and that they have details of support available to them
3. Show that you are thinking of them: messages, cards, or gifts.
4. Make a note in your diary of the key anniversaries and reach out to the bereaved in the weeks before the date, on the date, and following it. It can be a tough time.
5. Offer practical help at home. Try, “Can I stock your freezer with ready-made meals? Can I come and vacuum, clean, or do your washing?” If the bereaved person has other children, offer to help take care of them or take them out for a playdate.
6. Offer physical touch if appropriate (and they want this!). Touch is important when offering compassion and empathy because it can make people feel heard and loved. Just holding a hand or hugging them can make them feel safer, grounded and cared for.
7. Arrange meetings/hangouts where they will feel at ease being real and don’t need to put on a brave-face. Be flexible with plans and make it clear you are fine with last minute changes or cancellation. Please also be mindful of holding more formal events and not inviting the bereaved, as this can cause hurt.
8. Be forgiving and patient. When journeying through grief, it can mean a person feels so overwhelmed and numb, they stop being thoughtful or kind. Please know this is not personal – it means they are crawling through life right now, and they are so overwhelmed with pain their typical responses to things are on hold.